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Hello Reader,

After some unexpected family news, I found myself living between two worlds, watching my inclination to grieve and long for the world behind me and fearfully wanting to reject the world before me. I was being invited to steep myself in the practice of being in the in-between—in the unknown, the void—and to find my ground among the instability.

As you may know, the sudden end of my 17-year relationship rocked me, and then discovering the possibility that I might have a life-altering genetic nervous system disease dropped me deep into the cold void during the heat and expansiveness of Summer.

I share all of this because we don’t normalize the halting nature life transitions have on us. The way certain events ask us to question everything and reconfigure our way of being in the world. I believe we have personal and collective events that invite us to steep in the unknown, and it so happens that in the summer of 2024, both were happening for many of us.

I also share this because I repeatedly questioned whether I was too weak or too sensitive. I had stopped everything besides 1:1 client work—no groups, no posting on social media, no creativity flowing. I saw people on social media going through their transitions while running groups and sharing content daily, sharing openly on social media and seemingly weaving their difficulties into their brand. At times, I questioned my lack of fortitude; at other times, I recognized the wisdom of my retreat. After all, fuck hustle culture.

I spent time cuddling my grief, sitting face to face with my anger, and moments laying beside a possible future where my body may require assistance to walk. I wasn’t hiding; I was communing.

The void has been teaching me to be intimate with the unknown, my rollercoaster of feelings, and my desires. Fear creates a certain kind of razor-sharp clarity about what is important and what is not! I never wavered from the vital importance of ​dance​ throughout my descent. If anything, dance and my ability to dance have felt as sweet as honey straight from a honeycomb. Oh, and how I’ve danced… with tears streaming down my face, offering water to nourish the ground that holds me up.

I have sobbed, surrounded by my colleagues in my The 360 Emergence apprenticeship. I have journeyed into the Stars and returned with embodied celestial-level acceptance of where I am and where I am yet to go. I have found locations in my body that hold ancient, boundless wisdom gifted to me from well-seated ancestors.

Dance has taught me to trust and helped me breathe through the waves of emotions. Dance is my constant Teacher, Sage, Elder, and Beloved. This is how I know that dance will be my companion in my work moving forward.

Once my year-long apprenticeship ends, I will create in-person transformational containers that center dance as a ritual for tapping into our organic intelligence and reconnecting us to the interconnected web of life. This is part of the clarity I received; I want to dance as much as possible and be in rooms with other bodies, ritualizing dance into paths of sovereignty, healing, and connection.

I hope you have a practice, a beloved ritual that holds you in times of descent when all is uncertain. As we navigate personal and collective transformation, what holds you in this season of upheaval?

I'd love to hear what practice is your medicine. Please hit reply, even if it is to say, I am not sure I have a practice that holds me. Maybe we can be curious together because I bet there is something.

*I won't know until the New Year if I have Spinocerebellar Ataxia; I will mention it in future newsletters once I know. My beloved friends, dance, and my therapist have supported me to help me find acceptance of where I am and where I may go. I am being taken care of.

Next dance: Oct 27th | 11 PST / 2 EST

If you want to try dancing out, I offer an online dance. Cameras, on or off, your call. I mix all DJ sets, and the container is one of intentional holding so you can journey where you need to.

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