More Truth, Less "Capacity" + Zoom Dance returns
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Hello Reader, For the past few years, I’ve been watching the way we use the word capacity. I’m intensely curious about it. The more I hear it, the more I notice how it skirts something real. How it promotes niceness over kindness. How it can be both empowering and disempowering. How, in some spaces, it has become weaponized. The dictionary defines capacity as “an individual’s mental or physical ability”. Simple enough. But the way we use it? That’s where things get murky. “I just don’t have the capacity.” “I’m sorry, I don’t have capacity for that.” “If you don’t have capacity, that’s okay.” “When and if you have capacity…” Here’s the thing: I think we’re simultaneously selling ourselves short and burdening ourselves by over-relying on this word. We use it as a catchall, for ourselves and for others. And in doing so, we often rob ourselves (and each other) of something more honest and more empowering: choice, clarity, and directness. When we default to blaming our “capacity,” we bypass the courageous act of saying no. Of naming our preferences. Of asserting our priorities. We offer others an out, “if you don’t have capacity, ”instead of trusting them to discern for themselves. Discernment is a skill we get to practice. It’s relational. It’s empowering. And it requires clarity. We can’t do it all. That’s true. But there’s a difference between saying “I can’t" and saying ”I’m choosing not to”. Try it sometime, it feels vastly different in your body. Just like there’s a difference of saying “I don’t have capacity” and saying “No, I don’t want to do that.” There’s a difference between limitation and preference. Between exhaustion and priority. The benefit is deepening our understanding of ourselves and therefore, deepening our intentionality in our relationships. For many of us, the real work isn’t protecting our capacity, it’s building capacity for saying no from a place of clear priority. To include ourselves as part of the equation of life. Letting go of over-prioritizing comfort or approval. Learning how to communicate clearly and kindly about what matters most to us. Learning that inconvenience is a part of being relational. And then there’s capitalism humming in the background of all of this. A system that quietly (or not so quietly anymore) teaches us to blame ourselves instead of questioning the conditions that keep us stretched thin. “I don’t have capacity” can sometimes be less about our bodies or minds and more about a culture that asks too much and offers too little. It can be about prioritizing socially approved uses of energy expenditure and deprioritizing what capitalism doesn’t reward. (Here is an opportunity for some juicy personal exploration.) My Experience of Capacity When did capacity start to feel like separation? When did I finally recognize that others use of the word capacity felt... discordant? I started to feel how the word capacity felt in my body, when I said and when I heard it. The best way I can describe it is: when I use the word capacity and it isn’t actually about capacity, it feels like a massive sheet of brushed glass sliding between me and the truth. There’s a dulling in my felt sense when I say, “I just don’t have capacity.” A subtle incongruence. Like something important got smoothed over instead of spoken. Capacity is no longer always an honouring of our energy. Often, it’s shorthand for “I don’t want to” or "this isn’t my preference”. And when that’s what’s actually true, capacity feels cutting as it leaves my lips… or enters my ears. Not always. There are absolutely times when we genuinely do not have capacity. I am not trying to be ableist here. But lets be honest? It’s far fewer than we claim. What I want is to speak more compassionately and more clearly about are my choices, my preferences, and my actual limits. I want to be able to hear someone say, “I’m not prioritizing that… or you… or us,” feel my feelings about it, and still accept that each of us gets to make that call. I suspect that if we got more honest about capacity, we’d discover we actually have more of it, once we stop giving our energy to things we don’t want to do. Once we stop blaming our capacity and start getting clear about our priorities. This is also a practice in decentering capitalistic patterns. Maybe that’s what we’re really longing for… more truth, less capacity as avoidance. More honesty in ourselves and relationships. Here’s March's DJ set titled: WTAF?! Let’s Dance. Your invitation: Breath deeply into the corners of your body. Stay here until movement happens. Follow your breath, your body, and the music. Explore new shapes and textures. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to move. DANCE IS A GREAT WAY TO EXPLORE CAPACITY! EVENTSCheck out my events page to stay up-to-date. IN PERSONSunshine Coast Grantham's Hall in Gibsons Wednesdays, March 11 / 25 | 7-8:30 $20 at the door or pay via e-transfer in advance HERE.(hello@innerflowcounselling.com) ONLINEPlease register early. I need a minimum of 5 participants to offer online dances. Cut off date, Friday March 20.
SUNSHINE COAST EMBODIMENT COLLECTIVEWednesday evening dances on the Sunshine Coast. Alternating with Julie Plotkin teaching the 5 Rhythms and myself teaching The 360 Emergence you get to deepen your embodiment practice with a DJ-facilitated, lightly guided dance practice. |
