Hello Reader, ​
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This morning, while walking Mia, I found myself admiring the graceful curves of cedar branches draped in vibrant green moss. As I listened to Raven emit a sound eerily reminiscent of submarine sonar pings, a thought surfaced: how perfectionism can foster loneliness.

At first, I was puzzled… why would a quiet walk in Nature spark thoughts about the link between these two concepts? But we’ll get to that.

In my experience, perfectionism often shows up in three main forms, each distinct, yet deeply intertwined:

• Self-oriented perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and harshly judging yourself when you fall short.
• Other-oriented perfectionism: Holding others to those same unrealistic standards and criticizing them when they don’t meet them.
• Socially prescribed perfectionism: Believing others expect you to be perfect and feeling judged when you’re not.

Perfectionism in all its forms obstructs our ability to belong.

It fragments our relationship with ourselves. In order to perform perfection, we must suppress the parts of ourselves we’ve deemed undesirable, messy, or not enough. This leaves the more rigid, judgmental parts of us in charge. And when we’re hiding essential parts of who we are, can we ever truly feel seen? Valid? Connected?

I’d argue that loneliness isn’t defined by being physically alone… it's rooted in disconnection: from self, from others, and from Nature. I’ve been surrounded by people and still felt lonely. Yet over the past several months, despite being more secluded than ever, I don’t feel nearly as alone. What changed?

I’ve allowed the parts of me I used to keep hidden to come forward. My relationship with the land has deepened.

So I wonder...​
Could loneliness be, in part, about the aspects of ourselves we isolate out of fear of judgment or rejection?
Could it also stem from our disconnection from Land?

Perfectionism puts us in a constant state of performance, always needing to say the right thing, to manage our emotions just so, to present ourselves at our best. This keeps true connection at arm’s length. It breeds comparison and competition. And when we see others as rivals, our relationships become hierarchical, there’s little room for kinship to take root.

Perfectionism demands control. And that pressure breeds loneliness.

Let’s be honest: the ideal of perfection isn’t neutral. It’s shaped by systems of dominance and control. As Tema Okun writes,

“White supremacy culture trains us all to internalize attitudes and behaviors that do not serve any of us. A belief that we can be perfect, or should be perfect, raises the questions: who decides what perfect is? Why would we want to be perfect?”

When we’re consumed with perfecting ourselves, we miss the opportunity to critique the very systems that created these standards to begin with.

If we can begin to untangle our perfectionist conditioning and accept ourselves, and others, mess and all, I believe we can access a new kind of depth in our relationships. One rooted in honesty, grace, and ease.

Embracing Feral Medicine

Perfectionism also distances us from our wilder, less-tamed, more instinctual selves. This is where our connection with the undomesticated essence of Nature becomes part of our healing from perfectionsism.

When we approach Nature without trying to control it, we witness a different kind of wisdom. The natural world is wild, untamed, and often chaotic, yet it still holds an intricate, intuitive order. When we are in relationship with Nature, we remember. We begin to reclaim the parts of ourselves that colonization, control, and perfection sought to erase.

This is what I call feral medicine… feral, being a once domesticated animal returning to its more unruly state.

Not the curated, Instagram-aesthetic version of “feral,” but a quiet, ongoing reclamation.
A subtle, internal shift that changes how you relate to yourself, to others, and to Nature.
It might not be visible on the outside, but it’s deeply felt by all.

One of my favourite ways to invite change is to shift my focus toward what I want to move towards, rather than fixating on what’s not working. This mirrors the principles of neuroplasticity: by creating new patterns of thought and behaviour, we build new neural pathways, and new ways of being.

Of course, I’m not saying to bypass the issue. It’s crucial to name how we’ve internalized perfectionism and how we project it onto others. But perhaps we can let a little more unruliness in… just enough for feral medicine to take root.

Things to try:

• Engage in playful, silly activities. Let yourself be “childish.”
• Create art for joy, not profit.
• Move your body based on how it feels, not how it looks.
• Express your feelings, even (especially) the uncomfortable ones.
• Explore Relational Anarchy, not just in romantic partnerships, but in all connections.
• Reclaim cultural practices and honour your ancestors.
• Cultivate a deeper relationship with death and dying.
• Practice non-extraction in your relationships: with yourself, with others, with Nature, and with the Unseen.
• Spend more time with non-human kin: Trees, Flowers, Fungi, Insects, Birds, Water, Stones...

How are you currently practicing feral medicine?

What new ways are calling to you?
Hit reply, I’d love to hear.

Contemplative Practice

When you hear yourself say:
​“I can’t do that because…”

Pause.
Ask yourself:
​“Is this part of my domestication?”​
​“If I introduced a dose of feral into this situation… what would I do?”

Here’s September's DJ set titled: A Dose of Feral.​

Your invitation: Focus on your spine with both awareness and breath. Spend some time exploring and moving each vertebra in creative ways. Hang out in this space for a while, letting your focus spark organic movements as the music influences you.

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to move.

EVENTS

ONLINE

Saturday, September 6 | 11-12:30

The 360 Emergence Online 7.26 (USD) Let's Dance!

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The 360 Emergence Online 7.26 (CAD) Let's Dance!

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IN PERSON

Sunshine Coast

I will be away for part of September, visiting my parents, so our first dance back on the Sunshine Coast will be:

Grantham's Hall in Gibsons Friday, Sept 26 | 7-8:30

$20 at the door or pay via e-transfer in advance HERE.(hello@innerflowcounselling.com)

Vancouver

I am waiting to hear back from four different venues... if you are not on IG and want to know what is happening, hit reply, let me know, and I will keep you in the loop.

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